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I just noticed that the last time I wrote a blog post was August 26th...that's how long I've been trying to keep my head above water. This blog post was my husbands idea. He thinks that it's important for me to share my struggles in hopes  it will help someone else who is struggling...but I really think he hopes if I pour my broken heart out in words that it will help heal my heart. Here's to hoping. 

Many of you who follow me see my three beautiful girlies and probably don't think much about how they got here and the struggle it was for us to have a family. Before I got married they told me I probably wouldn't be able to have children because of my poly cystic ovaries and all the problems and scar tissue. Try telling your husband to be that you probably can't have children. That was a hard day...good thing I'm so dang funny. He couldn't say no:) LOL  

I'll spare you the struggle it was to get my beautiful girlies here and and just talk about this last year because it is a whole lot clearer in my head than the rest. 

Long story short I was done having children after the twins and then 6 years later I had a lot of things happen that told me otherwise. I had one frozen embryo still from the twins 6 years ago but they weren't sure what condition it would be in after being frozen and thawed. Some don't even survive the thaw. 

So we started the invitro process again... if you haven't been through this just promise me you will be sympathetic to anyone you know going through it. It by far is the hardest things I've done in my life. Maybe for some the daily injections and shots are nothing but I have major needle phobia and I'd rather wrestle a bear that be poked by a needle. I literally hyperventilate and have a melt down leading up to the actual poke. It's all mental I know but man if I knew how to change that I'd do it in a second. 

Don't get me wrong I'm amazed and beyond grateful for modern medicine and being able to do in vitro but for lack of a better word it is hell. 

Let the daily torture begin. The physical is nothing compared to the emotional.  Daily hormone shots to prepare my body and countless pills.